Sensory

There are not names or faces for those that I write to. There are eyes on screens. Fingertips reaching.  

The end of my day seems to routinely culminate in exhaustion and aching awareness of each footstep taken. The last moments of active consciousness are typically spent planning the footsteps for tomorrow & the rest of the week. Subtle anxieties swirl in tune with my breath. Am I superficial? Am I manipulative? Am I too eager? Of course, alone here, I muster up the most change-provoking answer I can. Then, I imagine an immediate change in course. 

Today has been incredibly quantitative. 

Numbers exhibit a sense of preciseness. Something sharp and exact. Something that slices your hands as your grip gets right. Today showed me no dull edges. I've stayed engaged to the most of my abilities and that says something. You can't close your eyes when you are at risk of being shredded to pieces. 

Emotional

Yoga Sutra 2.10: The subtle states of the afflictions (Desire, Aversion & Fear) are destroyed with the dissolution of the mind. 

I would not say that I am the type to wear my emotions on my sleeve, but I definitely attract and cling to many emotions. I am an emotional lint-roller, perhaps. 

Emotions consume. They have needs and wants and they take what they require out of you an even a bit more to sustain themselves. When you place good feelings toward something, you want more and more of it. You grow in your desires and form a sense of greed. When you associate something with bad emotions, you shy away from it. It gets abandoned and you choose to starve yourself of it or even become scared of it.

In myself, I see a teeter-totter of emotional pull keeping me unsteady. I build attachments and expectations before I even experience. My view on the world is not naive, but more so child-like. Everything is colors and textures. I know what I want, but not always does the world feel or look like the ideas in my mind's eye. Emotional response is the only fall-back that makes immediate sense. From here, I am impulsive. This is a quality of an existence vested in the physical plane. A place where the body is an extension of the mind. 

True contentment comes from acknowledging the entire existence. Understanding the need to separate the body, mind and self; but also see them as the present. Contentment is being okay with what ever may. Not holding onto the things we can see or feel as if they are absolute. Contentment opens the door for experience.