Weather the Weather

weather

[weth-er]

to bear up against and come safely through (a storm, danger, trouble,etc.)

Slowly reciting incantations in our childhood home. Wishes and dreams and spells and hexes. Creating a blockade again the storm inside. Boarding up the windows to reduce the breakage. Covering mirrors with sheets because the reflection is dangerous. Hiding underground is safe. Throwing open the doors and howling with the wind is deadly. Sickly, green sunlight only means more danger. Closing your eyes only means more conjecture. Craving the feel of raindrops on skin- Yet, exposure to the elements requires the ultimate offering. Sub-Consciousness and Reality hold each other tightly as the storm subsides. Never quite knowing which one will let go first. Scared of what may be lost or what may be forgotten. The wreckage is a necessary path to beginning again. Sorting through what you will have to live without and accepting what has been left until next time. 

Sensory

There are not names or faces for those that I write to. There are eyes on screens. Fingertips reaching.  

The end of my day seems to routinely culminate in exhaustion and aching awareness of each footstep taken. The last moments of active consciousness are typically spent planning the footsteps for tomorrow & the rest of the week. Subtle anxieties swirl in tune with my breath. Am I superficial? Am I manipulative? Am I too eager? Of course, alone here, I muster up the most change-provoking answer I can. Then, I imagine an immediate change in course. 

Today has been incredibly quantitative. 

Numbers exhibit a sense of preciseness. Something sharp and exact. Something that slices your hands as your grip gets right. Today showed me no dull edges. I've stayed engaged to the most of my abilities and that says something. You can't close your eyes when you are at risk of being shredded to pieces.